awakening

Over the last weeks, I’ve had some time to reflect on my life and situation. Living a life of relative leisure, missing many of the mundane responsibilities heaped upon the masses, allows me time for reflection. Or, rather, I make time for reflection-perhaps that’s it. Not that I have more time, but that I take more time.

Anyhow, over the last weeks, I’ve found myself swimming in my subconscious, exploring the depths in order to make more sense of my waking life. I have noticed that my dreams and my entrance into them are more recognizable, more easily controlled, than they once were. I’ve always been a dreamer. I enter and retain multiple dream worlds and dream environments that I return to, each time allowing for the resurgence of recognition. I have dreamed actions, persons, and locations before enc0untering them in actuality. I hold my dreams, not only as the expression of my subconscious, but as the current that underlies that which I do not know, cannot explain and yet deeply understand. I turn to my dreams for many answers, and always find what I need there. Inside myself. My self that is connected to the flow of the multiverse while my waking self rests.

One night last week, I woke multiple times, repeatedly leaving the depths of my dreams and bringing my insights up to the surface with me. Each time I woke, I looked to MBF and noticed they seemed to stir slightly with my waking. Not wanting to disturb anyone, I resisted the urge to move, lying still and serene. Not wanting to mar the memories of dreamland I had carried away with me to the waking world, I focused my mind on the feelings, sensations and subtle knowledge I was bringing up from the surface. Over and over through the night, each time I plunged into the depths and resurfaced again, I found that I was pervaded by the understanding of exactly what I needed to do to change my life. What I needed to do to turn it around, turn it into what I wanted-no, not what I wanted it to be, but-what it was meant to be.

With each waking I had the understanding of that which I, with resolve, know will create the circumstances for Highest Good. The highest good, which I am training my mind to recognize as more precious than any wish fulfilling jewel.

The next morning, as I cleaned the kitchen, made toast, did the dishes, danced, talked, smiled, listened, asked, answered, guided, monitored and conducted the normal business of my daily life, I remembered something. I had asked my mother for some encouraging words in the previous week, which she gave me. I had felt better after her words, and I was suddenly reminded of them, without actively trying to recall them. That morning in the kitchen, I looked back and forth, ahead and behind-being pervaded by my mother’s words and the music playing across the room-and I felt a feeling from the dream creeping into the now. It was the piece of feeling that existed just between the deep realization and the waking. And I knew I was beginning to remember.

I had chosen my life, my path. I had made decisions that were sound and were guided by some sort of moral compass, my internal knowing. I had chosen to assist MBF through the ages and lessons of love and learning. I had chosen to be present to teach of attachment and non attachment. I had chosen to teach others, my others, how to take instruction, trust intuition, dance to the music, enjoy the laughter and create the bonds that serve the greatest purpose. The bonds that accomplish the Highest Good. For all beings, whom I cherish.

Again, but consciously this time, I thought back to my mother’s words. The words that had brightened a dark day. What were those words she had offered, and which had resonated so perfectly with the dream realizations and deep understandings from the night before?

She had asked me, “What are you willing to change?”

What am I willing to change? Hmmm. As I thought about it, I decided upon those aspects of my life that I am willing to change: my housing, aspects of my job, my schedule, the material possessions in my home, my attitude. I am also willing to change MBF’s lives, my sangha-the company I keep, and, most importantly, the quality of my interactions with MBF.

Of course, in any reality, change is the only constant. Whether I will it consciously or not, things are bound to change. So, why not will the changes, then, into changes that align with highest good? As I think, and write, further, I know that the will to change is the imperative. Both figuratively and literally. I’m pretty sure ‘Will to Change’ is an imperative sentence. It is a command. As in, I command Change. The ‘Will to Change’ is also imperative to affecting change. As in, In order to make things change I have to exercise my will. Will implies using focused attention to create different circumstances, a different reality.

I must exercise will to affect and organize the natural and unavoidable changes in my circumstantial reality into command-able, positive, beneficial, sustainable realities. My thoughts back to mother’s words, combined with intuitive impressions from a dream, led to a realization. A change. I realize that a combination of intuitive knowledge and wisdom will change my reality. I can WILL the CHANGEs that will lead my life to its meaning. A meaning which, with resolve, will accomplish the Highest Good for all beings. MBF and my three magic beans included.

So, I returned to the question, with a slight twist. Given the ever changing nature of my life and reality, which aspects of that reality am I able to change? Which of those aspects am I also willing to change? Having identified those aspects of reality that I can and will change, another question remains. What am I going to change those aspects of reality into? Addressing the question with intuitive knowing and wisdom, I believe, is my answer.

I will welcome unavoidable changes that arise from the outside influences in my life, from the multiverse. While residing within the subtle space between dreams and waking, I will patiently await for delivery from the multiverse. I will create the circumstances for improvement and I will gratefully receive the changes that occur. I will change how i experience the self i have been given. i will change my attitude, by monitoring and changing the emotional responses i have to my feelings. i will change how i interact with the world, locally and globally. i will change my schedule and my habits–well, maybe not all at once, but progressively.

The main point is that i am willing to make change.

I will to use the intuition and knowledge, the deep shared subconscious of the multiverse, along with the wisdom of my mother, of all my mothers, as I do it.

Many questions remain unanswered. Among them…

Are you willing to do the same? Are you willing to make change? How will you grasp and interpret the ‘Will to Change’?

Becoming the rock, part II

rising like bubbles bound for bursting

are you willing to make change?